Finding Fullness of Joy and Deliverance from the Bondage of Comfort and Control

The spiritual drain of vindication and the spiritual fullness of forbearance

Vindication: noun, the action of clearing someone of blame or suspicion. Proof that someone or something is right, reasonable, or justified. (https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/vindication)

Forbearance: noun, patient self-control; restraint and tolerance
(https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/forbearance)

Seeking vindication turns our attention on ourselves, others and this world. What have we done – how do others see me? How do I see myself? If we want vindication, we’re consumed by changing how people see us - or how we see ourselves - so we will be cleared of blame or even suspicion of being wrong. We’ll be consumed by proving we’re right or justified - all as a means of controlling discomfort. Such a concern takes our eyes off Jesus and doesn’t consider what He sees in us, even if we truly believe Him to be the Son of God and ruler of all. As we continue to fill our heart, mind, soul and strength with truth of God, in seeking vindication we unwittingly open up a drain allowing what we’re taking in of Him to drift from us driven by our consumption with what others think of us - or of what we think of ourselves - rather than being consumed by what God thinks of us. We must consider the cost of such bondage.

Forbearance turns our attention to God and to His kingdom. What has He done – how do we see Him? If we forbear, we’re consumed by faith in Him regardless of our own or anyone else’s view of us – whether we or others believe we are worthy of blame or of suspicion. We’ll rather be consumed by proving God as we wait patiently on Him, despite the personal discomfort we may face. This requires we keep our eyes on Jesus and His thoughts of us and His rule in our life. As we fill our heart, mind, soul and strength with truth and truth of God, we are filled with the joy of the Lord, even if we are being wrongfully accused in the eyes of this world. Consider the payoff of joy.

Lord, forgive us for our vindictive grip - forgive me - and release us from the bondage we’ve built around our desire to be comfortable and in control. Set us on the path of forbearance, filling our souls with the sweetness of your love. The temptation to prove ourselves to be blameless before men - to be comfortable and in control - is ripe within us. But God, bear in us the fruit of your Spirit, a fruit we cannot produce on our own but a fruit produced in a heart, mind, soul and strength that yields to your rule and puts down the dial that directs self-protection. The images of what this may mean we experience may make us feel uncomfortable, and certainly fearful. They do for me.

God, turn our deep discomfort into powerful purpose in our lives, our fear into faithful focus. Lead us to serve you from this place of counting the cost and trusting our Shepherd Jesus, the guardian of our souls. Open our eyes to the hope of Heaven - that we are blameless before you because of Jesus, in spite of ourselves - in spite of what we truly deserve. There is no proving our blamelessness. We are guilty. Yet, we are also free from the burden of having to prove we are anything otherwise. Jesus did that work for us that we could never do for ourselves when he took the penalty for our sins in his death on the cross.

Keep us, Lord. Keep our attention on You and Your Kingdom, being held by your magnificent grace and mercy, that we may forbear and prove you in a world that sometimes subtly and sometimes overtly wants to expose our failings in order to vindicate themselves. Fill us with the joy of our salvation and may we therefore be very BOLD to freely forbear in the face of judgment, no longer being burdened by the consuming lie of proving our blamelessness - we are not blameless. Jesus, you came to take our blame and may your longsuffering for us show up in us as we suffer for you that many more will see You and choose joy, breaking free from the bondage of the burden of unattainable proof, and be free.

Galatians 5:1, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (https://www.biblegateway.com)

© 2020 Jill Williams, founder Team BOLD. All Rights Reserved.

Why BOLD?

As I embarked on a new adventure of becoming professionally certified as a coach after spending years removed from a career in consulting and years wrapped wonderfully in parenting, being mentored, mentoring, learning from and teaching women in Bible studies and other small group growth experiences, I couldn’t help but see natural revelation of truth in my training.

Be not knowing, they said. Be not judging, they said. Be present, they said. What they were saying to me, or perhaps what God was saying to me, was be like Jesus.

This is how he showed up with people.

Even though he is all-knowing, I’ll never forget my first experience with Jesus, reading his word in my bedroom as an anxious, high-performing teen-ager. I was blown away by his winsome and wise questions, even when he knew the answers, he was free to ask the questions as if he didn’t know. How would they answer? He was curious.

Even though Jesus will ultimately judge all the world, he opened himself up to receive all and offer life to all who will receive him. He became like us, setting aside his godliness to experience human joy, pain, loss, laughter and love. Regardless of position or place or past choices or race, he was free to not judge a person by such things. He was respectful to all.

Finally, even though Jesus had a world of people wanting a piece of him at any given moment, he was free to truly be with the people he was with at any given moment, present and undistracted by what was to come. He was confidently expectant.

We can show up free like Jesus by being more curious, by offering more respect, by looking forward with greater expectancy. By being not knowing, not judging and present. These things they said are the life and breath of a trained, professional coach.

But they weren’t intentionally teaching me to be like Jesus; they were intentionally teaching me to be a high-performing professional coach - for which I’m grateful. If they were teaching me to be like Jesus, however, they would have also said, deeply rest. God placed this on my heart throughout my training. As a coach, show up being all the things that are the heart-beat of a masterful coach, and because of the freedom we have in Jesus, be at rest.

Rest deeper than sleep delivers. Rest beyond what your schedule allows. Rest in the midst of your daily experience of joy, pain, loss, laughter and love. Rest in the unique, intentional design of your maker in you. How? Take Jesus at his word, Matthew 11: 28, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He sets us free to feel deeply and keep moving forward.

What I learned as I embarked on this new adventure being trained as a professional coach is that to be a coach is to Be curious, Offer respect, Loosen demand and Deepen rest.

And so, BOLD was named. BOLD is to me a reminder not only to show up with others, but of how to show up with them. It’s a reminder that I am designed by God Himself and you are, too. I am free to offer me - just as I am - and you are too. I am free to know and love others - just as they are. And you are too.

I learned as a coach, my job is to be free like Jesus, take him at his word, and lead others to do the same.

Figuring out how to do this is a process of growth. And many of us high-achieving, driven women, men and teens in leadership aren’t used to being the ones asking for help. I hope you’ll choose to partner with me, daring to develop potential in yourself, others and your work. Pursuing freedom together and depending on the power of God — for life!

As my daughter says, “Team BOLD means if I join the team, you’re BOLD and I can be too.”

Welcome her. Prove Him.

I have said that being around people who set a high-standard of performance is something I despise. Oh, wait. In 1995, I may have been that person. In fact, in both word and deed I was that person, walking down the aisle holding up the standard. I was the “Standard Bearer” leading my graduating class in to receive our diplomas at the SMU Cox School of Business graduation ceremony.

What happened to me? Here’s what happened: I was set free from a substantial lie: The lie that living up to a high-standard of performance somehow separates me from failure - it really just separated me from being known. And that is far more damaging than compromised performance because it’s compromised authenticity.

Setting a high-standard of performance was hell for me because the motivation for the performance was self-worth. Value. Fundamental Significance. I don’t want to live there anymore. I’ve been set free by the grace of God in Christ Jesus. He established my worth before I was born. He gives me value and significance - He sees me, all of me, and knowing the sinner that I am - He still chose to die for me, cover me and advocate for me to God - She is mine, He says.

And I say I despise being around people JUST LIKE ME, like I used to be and like I’m still capable of being because I’m afraid I’ll return to my old ways. I know the game. I hate the game, but I’ve been set free to grow the me designed and made by God.

Will I? Even if it doesn’t check off all the relevant cultural performance measures? How do I?

Paul tells me don’t despise others. He tells others not to judge. He says welcome one another, and not to prove you are right. Either one of you.

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. (this has cultural context and isn’t referring to actual current health scenarios)

Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgement on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.”

- Romans 14: 1-2

Jesus didn’t welcome me to prove he was right. He welcomed me because he loved me and wanted to be with me. And he invites me to welcome others, not to despise them for representing something which I despised in myself. But to prove him.

Connect Four Connects Dots

When was the last time you played the game Connect Four?

It’s a simple strategy game where you try to place discs in a grid against a competitor also placing discs in a grid. You both work to get four of your own discs in a row while preventing your competitor from achieving this result before you.

Our family has been playing a lot lately because I bought an over-sized version we set up on a table in our screen porch. It’s easy to play a few games together in a spare moment and be done.

As we’ve played, I’ve noticed a strange connection between this game and daily life. If I get too focused on my own strategy – whether offensive or defensive, I miss seeing what’s right in front of me. Looking at the game through a myopic lens doesn’t eradicate the things I’m choosing to not see. They’re still there - and I lose often because I lose view of the bigger picture that’s right in front of me.

#BOLDLeader #BOLD #keepshowingupforlife

The Unofficial Resume

I was listening to a program on NPR yesterday and the woman being interviewed explained a shift that we’ve experienced and she used a term, unofficial resume. The shift she explained is a shift in acceptable performance. In today’s economy, job performance for the sake of the bottom line without regard for relational impact is less acceptable. While this attitude can carry with it it’s own set of complications, to mention one - a sense of entitlement that can carry a person so far as to not get a job at all if it doesn’t check off all the relational boxes, including altogether fulfilling their passions - it’s a macro-move toward acknowledging our humanness in the midst of a technology-heavy economy. We need only to guard ourselves from shifting so far into our feelings that we become consumed by them, just as we have been known to be consumed by bottom line results.

Indeed, opening up to and acknowledging not only our own and our co-workers performance results, but also their relational results, and ours, brings balance to our work places. Do we recognize this? It’s time to turn from measuring one another and ourselves by our resumes and consider what work we may need to do to build what the NPR interviewee called our unofficial resume. The resume of our past relationships. The one that shows how we work with people. Do we leave them in the dust or do we lead them to more? Do we bring out the worst in others, or the best? Do we even care?

How is your unofficial resume? I’d love to partner with you to address this positive shift and help you build balance and relational strength.

Let’s talk - simply schedule a time on my online calendar: Team-BOLD.com/schedule-now or send an email: Jill@Team-BOLD.com

Not Mutually Exclusive

Vulnerability and capability are not mutually exclusive. Vulnerability can feel like “incapable” to us or to others who judge it to be so. But it’s in the place of vulnerability when we are positioned best to yield to the power of God and our capability is magnified when we turn to the One from who we receive our competence.

“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5

Good Theology of Business

If half of the business owners in the world operated as if their business is their ministry, just imagine the difference. BOLD Leader Transformation Team exists to encourage leaders to not only know whatever their hand finds to do is ministry, but to equip leaders to act on this knowledge and serve others in BOLD ministry daily.

Justification by grace sets us free from assumption and judgement

July 20, 2020

We assume and judge to self-justify. Turning from the corner of assumption and judgement to the place of freedom and rest requires we not only understand we are justified by grace, but that we believe it. When we do, turning not only positions us in this Place of Freedom and Rest, it positions others for it, too. And we are positioned to enjoy one another, rather than be afflicted by one another.

Turning is a discipline of the tongue. It is a discipline for me to not initiate talking much about what’s happening to me when I’m engaged with others in community. In doing so, I will discover that others have things happening to them, as well. I will gain empathy and both I and others will be drawn together, rather than pushed apart.

The Modern Spirituality Series: Dietrich Bonhoeffer, p 27

“A Christian community should know that somewhere in it there will certainly be ‘a reasoning among them, which if them should be the greatest.’ It is the struggle of the natural man for self-justification. He finds it only in comparing himself with others, in condemning and judging others.  Self-justification and judging others go together, as justification by grace and serving others go together.

It must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him.

Where the discipline of the tongue is practiced right from the beginning, each individual will make a matchless discovery. He will be able to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him, putting him in his particular place where he can gain ascendancy over him and thus doing violence to him as a person.

Now he can allow the brother to exist as a completely free person, as God made him to be. Now the other person, in the freedom with which he was created, becomes the occasion of joy, whereas before he was only a nuisance and an affliction.”